A Few Consultant Jokes

Whats the difference between a consultant and a cable car? A cable car stops when it loses track.
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A man walks into a consultanyt's office and enquires about the rates for a study.
"Well, we usually structure the project up front and charge £50 for three questions" replies the consultant. " Isn't that a bit steep" asked the man.
"Yes" the consultant replied "and now what is yopur thrid question?"
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A consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, and then keeps your watch.
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A consultant's credo: Learn to be sincere even if you have to fake it.
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A surgeon, an engineer and a consultant are discussing what the oldest profession in the world could be.
The surgeon says : "As God created Eve from Adam's rib, I consider this as a medical act, so, the oldest profession is the one of surgery".
Of course, the engineer doesn't agree and replies: "No, no, in the Bible, it is stated that God created Earth and Heaven out of the Chaos. Clearly, this is purely engineering, so mine is the oldest profession".
At which point the consultant says: "And who, you think, created that Chaos?".

And now for a few quotes in the same vein

"I never know how much of what I say is true"
Bette Midler
In many professions where others expect you to have all of the answers all of the time it can be all to easy to lose yourself in your own rhetoric. Take time to be conscious and in the room with the people you are with and more important

"Each day, and the living of it, has to be a concious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and some pure foolishness"
May Sarton

Take time out to have some fun and permit yourself some foolishness, never be afraid to laugh at yourself, laughter relieves stress, remember children having fun can be at their most creative.

Just a few thoughts for the day,

Consultantinahat